I’ve decided to finally start writing my memoir! I already have bits and pieces of it, and it’s time to put it all together and really follow my dream of being a published author. I realized that if I had a goal for a book proposal of 50,000 words and was able to write at least 1,000 words a day, then I would have my book finished in 50 writing days. So roughly 2 months – or 10 work-weeks. 1,000 words a day is super easy, and I even did my calculations based on only writing M-F since we have the boys on the weekends and things can get hectic. I just consider it my “job”, what I have to do M-F. So I took a look at the calendar and since I started writing last Friday, theoretically, I will have my memoir finished by Friday, April 26.
As far as publishing goes, I’m still exploring my options. I’m thinking about going digital and doing self-publishing like this clever lady. Whatever gets my story out and food on my table the quickest. ;)
So, what’s my book about? Why, thank you for asking!
It is called Redefining Faith: The Story of a Perfect Little Christian Girl.
It documents the last 8 or so years of my life and reflects upon my childhood and Christian upbringing. I’m my memoir, my ultimate soliloquy. It shows that even though I’ve had a radical shift in beliefs, I’m still faithful and connect to the Spirit now more than ever. I never lost my faith – I just redefined it a bit. I started looking at it through a different lens.
I’ve realized that faith is a personal thing. What works for you may not work for others and vice versa. And that’s ok. That’s how the world is supposed to be. We need to start focusing on what we have in common instead of our petty differences. And it was that realization that got all of this going.
It’s not a secret that my beliefs have recently been laid out on the table in front of those close to me, and that some of my views or opinions may drift a bit from the conventional Christian belief system.
When all the you-know-what hit the fan, I think those involved would agree that our family kinda fell apart there for a bit. And we’re still working on putting all the pieces back together.
After everything happened, I was so full of anger about how it all unfolded that I could barely function. To be laid out bare like that, exposed. It completely turned my world upside down. I went from being constantly full of love to being constantly full of anger and fear.
I was already still exploring my spirituality and trying to figure it all out, and then all of a sudden, I’m exposed under everyone’s microscope while doing so. (Then on top of that, I had to start defending my husband and our relationship and reassure him because he felt like everyone in my family hated him, and it hurt my heart because I was wondering if he could be right. Our love is questioned, such a mournful sound.)
So I got defensive. I said some things I shouldn’t have, and I still have a problem with not getting too offensive or forceful with my beliefs. There were a few months where I kind of shoved it down everyone’s throat and made myself out to be this bitter, condescending, Christian-condemning, mess. I alienated myself. I took every chance I had to “prove” myself and show that I wasn’t automatically a terrible person because of my new ideals. Unfortunately, in doing so, I may have hurt a lot more people than I realized. But I’m realizing it now, and I guess that’s what’s important.
It is true that I have had a change in beliefs. It’s not that I’m denouncing Christianity at all, despite how I may have made it sound in the past. In fact, I’m embracing Christianity now more than ever because I’m going back to my basics. Jesus is who captured and moved me, and I still feel like he’s on my side. So we’re going to work together so that I can explain, process, and balance my current inner beliefs and feelings with those that I had growing up.
So this memoir will document my journey over the past few years and hopefully explain myself and my views a little more clearly. And hopefully help heal some hearts and offer some encouragement along the way.
There’s a lot of oppression going on in the world today, especially religious oppression. People in power are telling society that they can’t, that that won’t, that they aren’t, that they will never be. It’s time for the religious and political oppression to end. It’s time for humanity to start believing in itself again and know that it is worthy of love no matter where you come from or what your religion is. I want to tell people that they can, that they will, that they are, and that that will ALWAYS be!